Секрет

by Don  

The word секрет means, surprise-surprise, secret. On that score it's not interesting at all. What is interesting is that the Russians use this phrase all the time in the phrase "if it's not a secret." They use the phrase to soften what might otherwise be a rude question:

— Если не секрет, сколько вы платите за эту квартиру?
— Конечно, не секрет. Мы платим восемь тысяч рублей в месяц.
"If it's not a secret, how much do you pay for this apartment?"
"It's not a secret, of course. We pay eight thousand rubles a month."
— Кто вы по профессии, если не секрет?
— Конечно, не секрет. Я хирург.
"What do you do for a living, if it's not a secret?"
"Of course it's not a secret. I'm a surgeon."
— Если не секрет, почему ты бросила Жанну?
— Потому что её отец меня избил.
"If it's not a secret, why did you break up with Zhanna?"
"Because her father beat me up."
— Если не секрет, сколько раз ты женился?
— В течение этого года? Я женился и разводился три раза.
— Фу, это должно быть секретом. Больше никому не говори.
"If it's not a secret, how many times have you gotten married?"
"This year? I've gotten married and divorced three times."
"Yuck. You should keep that secret. Don't tell anyone again."

Река

by Don  

The word for river in Russian is река. Note how the stress shifts. For the most part in the singular it is end-stressed, with the exception of the accusative, and in the plural it is stem-stressed:

SgPl
Nomрекареки
Accреку
Genрекирек
Preрекереках
Datрекам
Insрекойреками

Growing up in Arizona, I was used to orderly and well organized rivers that had no water in them. I mean, why would they have water? Imagine my shock when I got to Russia and discovered that Russian rivers have water in them. I mean, sure, I knew that it was a theoretical possibility, but why? So very strange. Reader, you'll just have to get used to that idea. Here are some example sentences:

В этой реке можно ловить белугу. You can catch Beluga in this river.
Мой брат утонул в реке. My brother drowned in the river.
Он вошёл в ледяную реку, и всё его тело сразу онемело. He entered the icy river, and his whole body immediately grew numb.
Она подошла к реке, окунула в воду большой палец ноги, и сказала: «Слишком холодно. Я не буду купаться». She walked up to the river, dipped her big toe into the water and said, "It's too cold. I'm not going to swim."

Bodies of water are generally на words:

В выходные мы ездили на Москву-реку около Звенигорода. On the weekend we went to the Moscow River shore near Zvenigorod.
Мы часто ездим на реку на выходные. We often go to the river for the weekend.
Ты когда-нибудь ездил на Волгу? Там можно отлично отдохнуть. Have you ever gone to the Volga? You can have a really nice time there.
Когда я на реке, я отлично отдыхаю. When I'm at the river, I have the best time.

Мoжно

by Don  

Можно is a great Russian word that means “it is allowed”. In that sense it is always complemented by an imperfective verb:

В ресторанах в Аризоне можно есть и пить, но нельзя курить. In Arizona one can eat or drink in restaurants, but one is not allowed to smoke.
— В купе можно есть?
— Конечно, можно и курить, если хочешь.
“Is eating allowed in the train compartment?”
“Of course, smoking is allowed as well, if you want.”

If you want to specify that a particular person is allowed to do something, then the person appears in the dative case:

Вере можно есть сладкое, а Анне нет. Vera is allowed to eat sweets, but Anna isn't.
В русских кинотеатрах зрителям можно пить спиртное. In Russian movie theaters spectators can drink alcohol.
Рабочим можно носить джинсы на работе? Are employees allowed to wear jeans at work?
В этом соборе туристам можно фотографировать. Tourists are allowed to take photos in this cathedral.

Консервный нож

by Don  

Last summer I lived in Russia in my own apartment for the first time, so I learned all sorts of new skills... how to pay for the phone, how to pay for the internet, how to add money to my World of Warcraft account... Anyhoo, not too surprisingly, I also cooked. I love to cook. The mix of vegetables and meat and spices... it's simply a joy. But the Russians and the Tatars are really not into spices, so I ended up eventually buying консервы “canned food.” I brought it home, and to my shock, my otherwise well-outfitted kitchen had no can opener. To my greater shock, I realized that I didn't even know the Russian word for can opener. Such ignorance was insupportable! Particularly since it would lead to my personal hunger.

I traipsed over to the nearest department store, waltzed into the kitchen section and said to the clerk:

Мне нужен такой инструмент, которым открываем консервы. Как это называется по-русски? I need the kind of tool that you open canned food with. What is that called in Russian?

He looked at me as if I were a retard, the retardedest of retards, and said:

Консервый нож. A canned-food knife.

Ah. Excellent. I am now somewhat less retarded. Of course, although the phrase word-for-word means “canned-food knife”, the proper translation is simply “can opener”.

Hm... what kind of sentences can we come up with for that lexical item...

Петя открыл банку с персиками консервным ножом. Peter opened a can of peaches with a can opener.
Чёрт, я не могу банку открыть без консервного ножа. Где же он? Damn, I can't open the can without the can opener. Where in the world is it?
— Где инструкция по консервному ножу?
— Ты, что, не умеешь пользоваться консервным ножом?
“Where is the instruction sheet for the can opener?”
“What, you don't know how to use a can opener?”

Those were all kind of boring. Have to come up with something more amusing. Here goes...

— На день рождения Паша подарил своей девушке консервный нож, и она его бросила. “Pasha gave his girlfriend a can opener for her birthday, and she dumped him.”
— Какой он глупец! Такие подарки нельзя девушкам дарить. “What an idiot! You can't give that kind of gift to a girl.”
— Нет, Паша — мужик весьма тонкий, ты его не понимаешь. Он хотел с ней расстаться без всяких скандалов. “No, Pasha is a really subtle guy. You don't understand him. He wanted to leave her without making a scene.”
— Вот это да! Мне стоит поучиться у него. “Wow, I should take lessons from him.”

Консервы

by Don  

The word консервы means “canned food”. It is a word that only occurs in the plural in Russian, never the singular. Such nouns we call “pluralia tantum”. It declines like this:

Pl
Nomконсервы
Acc
Genконсервов
Preконсервах
Datконсервам
Insконсервами

Here are some example sentences:

Самые вкусные консервы — это домашние консервы. The tastiest canned food is home-canned.
Если живёшь в Антарктиде, не обойдёшься без консервов. If you live in the Antarctic, you can't get along without canned food.
— Я недавно прочитал статью о консервах, которая так испугалa меня, что теперь ем только сырые фркукты, сырые овощи и даже сырое мясо.
— Фу, как это противно.
“I recently read an article about canned food that scared me so much that now I eat only raw fruits, raw vegetables, and even raw meat.”
“Yuck, that's really gross.”
— Здесь продают свежие овощи?
— Нет, только овощные консервы.
"Do they sell fresh vegetables here?"
"No, only canned vegetables."
— Ты любишь рыбные консервы?
— Не очень.
“Do you like canned fish?”
“Not really.”
Блин, холодильник пустой. На кухне много консервов, но нечем их открыть. Crud, the fridge is empty. There is plenty of canned food in the kitchen, but there's nothing to open it with.

That last line, by the way, is a hint about tomorrow's word of the day...

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