Mirror

Every year on my way to Russia (this year, Kyrgyzstan) I try to stop somewhere I have never been before. This year I will spend four full days in Budapest, the capital of Hungary. Can't wait. Hungary is one of those places you can visit and eat incredibly well.

Since I'm going there, I'll be posting some Hungarian articles as well.

You know you're Hungarian...

1. When you use sour cream more than ketchup.
2. When your parents come to visit for 3 weeks and you all stay in a one bedroom apartment.
3. When feeding your guests is your main priority even if they claim they're not hungry and in which case you get slightly offended/upset that they don't want your hospitality.
4. When someone says that Hungarian "is like Russian and all those other Slavic languages," and then you have to go into great detail about the origins of Hungarian with a scolding history lesson.
5. When Paprika is just as important as salt & pepper on the table & in food.
6. When you know what Unicum is and prefer it over Jägermeister.
7. When it's shocking for you to realize that TV channels of foreign countries don't broadcast full live coverage of kayak/canoe and water-polo world championships on prime time.
8. When you tell someone that you are Hungarian, they ask "Are you hungry?" Then you congratulate them on being the millionth person to say that to you.
9. When you've heard, "If you're hungry, why not go to Turkey?" at least once in your life.
10. When you have at least one relative who's named Attila. Or József. Or János. Or László. Or István.
11. When half of your mother's friends husbands have the name József.
12. When you know that the "goulash" you see in many restaurants has in actuality little/nothing to do with the gulyás leves we really eat.
13. When meeting another Hungarian in a country outside of Hungary is amazing.
14. When you know the meaning of "kurva" even if you don't know any other Hungarian word.
15. When you love Túró Rudi but can't really explain to foreigners what the hell it is until they try it.
16. When your foreign friends ask you if you still believe that Santa Claus brings the presents on the night between December 24th-25th... then you answer somehow confused that Santa Claus brings the presents on the 6th of December and it is actually Little Jesus who brings the presents on Christmas, but the presents are already there on the 24th at 6PM.
17. When a pancake is extremely flat in your country and you roll it up instead of folding it.
18. When you know the phrase "három a magyar igazság" or "three is the Hungarian truth".
19. When you do not speak with your mouth full.
20. When guys keep telling you that Hungarian girls are the cutest and prettiest and they hope that you believe it and they get laid.
21. When they wanna show off by saying that they know your capital: Bucharest and no, they are not joking!
22. When you go into a Chinese restaurant and order your Sechuan chicken with french fries, cucumber salad and ask for a few slices of bread as well.
23. When you have a funny accent in every other language you speak.
24. When you love Mákos Guba and you can't explain what MÁK is, neither GUBA to anyone... and if you finally can, everyone will think you're some kind of weirdo for eating that.
25. When catching a bus an old lady with lots of heavy bags runs by you and reaches the bus first, then sits down panting and complaining how old she is and how the stuff is heavy and young people are not well educated, etc.
26. When you start counting on your hand with one being the thumb.
27. When you can swear for 5 minutes straight, with one breath, not using the same word, ever.
28. When you know what 'lángos' is.
29. When you can show off your engagement ring, worn on the opposite hand.
30. When you run around during Easter and poor parfum/water/soda over women's heads and sing: "Zúg a traktor, szánt az eke, elvtársnő, öntözhetek-e?"
31. When you have difficulty pronouncing words starting with "W" in English, but you're capable of creating long and meaningful sentences using only "E" vowels in your mother tongue.
32. When you would rather stand up in a tram/trolley
33. When you have more excuses for the kontrolleurs than you have tickets.
34. When the train hasn't even left the station, but you are already eating your home made sandwiches (usually with half a paprika or tomato in it). And most likely includes Wienerschnitzel.
35. When you call a 79 km long lake (the Balaton) the Hungarian Sea. And you are able to swim across it!
36. When you can eat ANYTHING deep fried (with breadcrumbs on it) and can make spirits (pálinka) out of (almost) EVERYTHING, including paprika of course!
37. When you NEVER leave home with wet hair because you can get a cold and you ALWAYS bring your hair dryer
38. When you always sit in the same place and chair, even
39. When zou cant tzpe on and English kezboard because y and z are mixed up.
40. When you know the difference between s and sz, and also u and ü.
41. When you know what a pogácsa/dobos torta/kürtős kalács/főzelék/túrógombóc is, and love most of them.
42. When you understand cynicism and sarcasm; and you at often times are cynical/sarcastic yourself.
43. When you kind of dislike Turkish/Albanian people even tough you have never seen one in your life - you have the strange idea that they must all be related to Jumurdzsák and his evil lot.
44. When you are more creative in cheating then any other nationality.
45. When Winnie the Pooh and The Flintstones is actually much funnier translated into your language than the original.
46. When you go abroad and joke with the people there as at home and they just don't understand and are possibly hurt by your funny remarks.
47. When you are snobby and think that anyone who has not read Dosztojevszkij and Bulgakov is not an intelligent human being.
48. When your language has two words for love.
49. When you deeply believe that Budapest (or your hometown) is the most beautiful city in the whole wide word and - just to make sure - you swear for that before going up to the Eiffel tower.
50. When you know that "a copper angel whistling on a willow tree" is actually a swear-expression!
51. When you have szaloncukor on a Christmas tree!
52. When you have a nameday and no one foreign understands what that is good for.
53. When instead of a good fruit salad, you'd rather make Pálinka out of your fruits, (and you swear on its healing power - of course).
54. When you use fruit to make soup.
55. When you greet everyone with a kiss on the cheeks! - Even a guy to another guy.
56. When you know that all geniuses and celebrities have some relation with Hungarians. Or they just simply are Hungarians.
57. When you put ketchup on your pizza.
58. When you collect and take home spoons, glasses, blankets, magazines, etc. from the airplane.
59. When you can pronounce easily long words like: megszentségtelenitéshetetlenségeskedéseitekért and you even know it has a meaning.
60. When you smuggle in drinks and food in your bag
61. When you know that all parts of a pig are edible, and it takes only half a day, some friends from the countryside and 2L pálinka to prove it.
62. When you put on makeup and fancy clothes even
63. When you have guests, you make at least 2 kinds of soup (sweet and salty), 4 different main courses, and at least 2 kinds of cakes, even though you know it's way too much.
64. When you know what is the difference between "puszi" and "csók"!
65. When you think it's perfectly reasonable to take small kids (<1 year) for a walk
66. When you know what a Hungarian orange is. It's slightly yellower, it's slightly sharper, but our own.
67. When you tell to every single person that the Rubik's cube was invented in Hungary.
68. When for every meaning there are about 5 words.
69. When any foreigner's passing mention of Transylvania will set off a twenty-minute rant about the Treaty of Trianon.
70. When you have ever poured yourself a nice glass of milk - from a plastic bag.
71. When you start singing one of the saddest songs at midnight on New Years Eve
72. When it surprises you again and again, how much more impressive and chiseled the Hungarian translations of most non-Hungarian poems are, than the original ones.
73. When you say 'Jó étvágyat' before you start a meal and "Egészségedre" if somebody is sneezing or for drinking.
74. When you steal sugar packets from different coffee places.
75. When you know what tejbegríz is, and love it!
76. When you tell everyone that Lugosi Béla is from Hungary, more so, the real Dracula himself was Hungarian, and anyway, Hollywood majorly was created by Hungarians.
77. When the telephone rings in your house, everybody yells "telefon!!!" as if people needed to be told that the phone was ringing, and needed to be picked up.
78. When your dog is a guard dog, not a pet.
79. When you know your language has the best and most clever jokes!
80. When your parents could tell if you were lying as a kid by feeling how 'soft' the tip of your nose was.
81. When you can make astonishingly delicious dishes without spending more than 3 euros (krumplis tészta, káposztás tészta, túrós tészta).
82. When you swear that garlic and tea with honey can cure sicknesses in less than a day.
83. When all the neighbors in your apartment complex want peace and quiet as if they were living in a "kertes ház". You tell them to go move out of the city into a "családi ház".
84. When you've experienced the worst customer service ever known to mankind.
85. When you've ridden the BKV for free, either not gotten caught, or been able to talk your way out of a fine.
86. When you love to swim, and swim in one of Budapest's outdoor pools at least 2 times a week.
87. When you can hum or whistle the Malév signal, even if you fly "fapados".
88. When nobody can properly pronounce your first name. And nobody can properly pronounce your last name, either.
89. When you were a child you had to eat carrots all the time... and
90. When nobody understands your ways or reasons, yet to you, everything is perfectly clear and logical.
91. When there's a Petőfi, a Széchenyi, and a Kossuth street even in the most behind-the-world kind of settlement. And you can get ANYWHERE in Hungary just by consistently following the Kossuth street through all towns you go.
92. When you laugh at Americans who think paying $3.00/gallon for gas is a lot.
93. When you tip your doctor.
94. When at least one member of your family had or still has a Wartburg/Lada/Trabant and is proud of it!
95. When if you had a same size older cousin or sibling, then you pretty much inherited his/her clothes and school stuff, including a map with Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia on it - where you used to spend some of your holidays with the family, anyway.
96. When you go visit Hungary/Budapest you feel like person a non-grata
97. When you know that besides the unquestioned Finn-Ugric relations with the Finnish, we have the Polish-Hungarian brotherhood as well.
98. When you are having a hard time explaining to any foreigner that actually, your family name is the first in your name, and it is not your given one.
99. When everyone having ever lived in Hungary has at least one acquaintance of each of the following surname groups: Kis(s), Nagy, Varga, Kovács, Tóth and maybe even Béres and Balogh.
100. When you've traveled to/vacationed in/visited at least 10 countries in your life.
101. When you don't use measuring cups
102. When you are standing next to the two largest suitcases at the airport.
103. When you have rugs covering every inch of your house.
104. When you live abroad and you could kill to eat proper Hungarian food!!
105. When your neighbor sun tans topless.
106. When people question you for eating a sandwich for breakfast.
107. When mixing red wine and coke is a delicious combination and you can't believe that foreigners think it's weird.
108. When every 2nd person you know is either a Gábor, Feri, Csaba, György, István, Éva, Bea, Eszter.
109. When - even if you have a cold - your grandmother tells you to gargle with salt water!
110. When sausages hanging in your grandfather’s auto repair shop is normal.
111. When you can think of at least 5 different varieties of pörkölt and couldn't imagine your life without rakott krumpli or somlói galuska.
112. When you know that CS, DZ, DZS, GY, LY, NY, etc. are all ONE LETTER, and
113. When you say 'Szia' or 'Hello' instead of 'Viszlát' to your friends
114. When you think that a glass of 'pálinka' or 'forralt bor' is better than medicine.
115. When you know what 'kakaós csiga' is.
116. When you have a bumper sticker on your car or map in your home of "Nagy Magyarország."
117. When you smuggle salami back from Hungary.
118. When you can (actually) pronounce gy, as in HOGY VAGY - and not say hogi-vagi.
119. When you think it's weird that Americans don't have gates around their homes.
120. When having a barbecue means roasting lard on a stick and dripping the grease on bread.
121. When friends/family celebrate your birthday by pulling your ears.
122. When there is thermal water or a spa in your hometown or very close to your hometown.
123. When you have a good time with your friends by singing songs containing the words temető, keresztfa, sírhely, meghalt.
124. When you think zsíros kenyér and pálinka is a balanced meal as long as you also have onions.
125. When you know you can easily find a shop open in the middle of the night to buy alcohol and you will not be asked for ID.
126. When you know which nation has the most Nobel prize winners related to its population.
127. When you know what tepertős pogácsa is.
128. When you have to stand out in the rain to grow tall.
129. When rántotta is an egg food and not pulled by something.
130. When people from all over the world keep on asking you if you understand anything from the Finnish language.
131. When you can talk about the most intimate things with complete strangers on the bus, waiting for the doctor, etc., but you avoid discussing your financial state even with your closest relatives.
132. When you know that the front passenger seat in a car is called "anyós-ülés"... and then proceed with a few mother-in-law jokes to top it off!
133. When you can't make do with normal sized pillows, they have to be huge or minute.
134. When there are more books in your apartment than in a foreign friend's entire neighborhood.
135. When you speak to foreign people in Hungarian, but slower and louder than normal to make your language understandable!
136. When you eat bread with just about everything, even potatoes.
137. When you never eat your steak if it's not very well done - like roasted dark.
138. When you are a citizen of the only country that has a crown with a tilted cross on the top.
139. When most of your childhood games revolved around 'bújócska', 'fogócska', and 'snúr' preferably with fillér-s (the old Hungarian 'cents').
140. When you live abroad and wander around in a bookstore, you very frequently end up in the travel section, longingly staring at the photos of the unbelievably gorgeous Budapest (or which ever city you are from).
141. When your mom chases you with a wooden spoon and your dad says "Vigyázz, mert mindjárt össze akad a bajuszunk..." even
142. When you are eating something that looks like a plate full of puke, and you call it "Lecsó". But it tastes amazing!
143. When you speak a language that no one can understand in the whole world... only Hungarians.
144. When your grandma gives yous "madártej" for dessert.
145. When you can't simply say "Fine, thanks"
146. When you think that huzat equals certain death because again, this was handed down to you by your omnipotent and all-knowing mother.
147. When you say "kurva" to describe something amazing!
148. When your foreign friends have a hard time understanding that your friends in Slovakia and Transylvania are Hungarians by birth but not Hungarian citizens.
149. When you blame everything on the Communists.
150. When you don't waste food... you save the leftovers for the next day.
151. When you can't be overjoyed enough with the phenomenon that other people can't understand a single word in your language.
152. When you can't leave the house without your pockets full of zsebkendő.
153. When you know that Karinthy was as great a humorist/satirist as Mark Twain.
154. When you go to visit Hungary, and no matter how many times you tell people you're from CANADA, they still think you're American.
155. When you know the ghost man who hangs around Jόkai tér but you have never bought a flower from him.
156. When you rub a bronze horses balls for good luck.
157. When you have hopped around on one leg and slapped your thighs randomly to demonstrate how your people dance.
158. When you have wondered why the main airport is called Ferihegy,
159. When in Paris, in front of the fanciest club, you are drinking a 4 Euoó bottle of wine, press the tap inside the bottle with your house keys, get everything wet, and you have to pour out some of the wine to be able to drink it (so the tap floating inside the bottle doesn't block the way of the wine).
160. When you consider poets historical figures on par in significance with kings and presidents.
161. When you can recite at least ten poems from memory.
162. When you know why the bells of every church ring every day at noon.
163. When you have to explain the difference between the Hungarian flag and the Italian one.
164. When your childhood fairytales didn't end as "they lived happily ever after" but "they lived happily until death".
165. When your fellow citizens enjoy bitching about you or your actions just for the sake of it.
166. When you know what a "sport szelet" is and you are obsessed with it!
167. When you think sült kenyér makes for a perfectly wholesome, tasty breakfast.
168. When you greet elderly people with “Csókolom!” even
169. When you find a great pastry shop in Budapest serving fantastic coffee but it only opens at 9 a.m. and you start work at 8 a.m.
170. When you fill your fridge completely after a simple day of shopping.
171. When you are in day camp and are envying the other kids who have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread while you, the immigrant, have Hungarian salami and smoked ham sandwiches with hot mustard on rye... and NO ONE will trade with you.
172. When you talk to your magyar friends automatically with an accent because it's what you are used to hearing them speak English with... or you communicate in half-Angolul, half-Magyarul and find having to abruptly break out of the accent to talk to an outsider jarring.
173. When you go to a real hardcore British pub in London and they won't even serve you because you're "a bloody Polish or Latvian or something like that" because of your accent.
174. When you, being a boy, run around with your mother’s old perfumes to earn more red Easter eggs on Easter Monday.
175. When you can't imagine any of your daily meals without meat - preferably red, mainly from pork- and/or bread which has to be the old school CE European "paraszt" loaf.
176. When you have the largest collection of plastic bags in the world, but will still take loads from Tesco because they are free.
177. When you go to a restaurant you put the bread from the table into your bag so you can eat it at home.
178. When you keep an old black and white TV or any other useless object because maybe one day it will be good.
179. When your grandmother tells you that if you make a certain face it will stay that way if you do it for too long.
180. When the family band breaks out the cimbalom, hegedű, duda, and tárogató after eating csirkepaprikás for lunch on a Sunday afternoon!
181. When you don’t want to know what “haltej” really is.
182. When you grow your own "erős paprika" in your backyard to guarantee the hotness.
183. When you explain the whole "you can't eat watermelons after the 15th of August because Lőrinc peed into them" thing.
184. When you/your family have ever used the water heater with the open flame in the bathroom that scares the hell out of every foreign friend because it makes such a noise.
185. When your reputation for being able to negotiate revolving doors is legendary.
186. When you or your relatives put Vegeta in everything.
187. When your friends or family think you are crazy and yell at you because you don't wear "papucs" around the house at all times to prevent yourself from "felfázni".
188. When you can drink as much or more than an Italian, but either smell half as bad or twice as bad.
189. When you eat pizza with a fork and knife.
190. When your mama starts making apple strudel (or any other type of baked goods) at 9:54pm on a weeknight because there is nothing decent on TV and she is bored.
191. When all your curtains and tablecloths are lace that your mom bought from the Piac.
192. When in the Western Hemisphere they refer to you as a gypsy (cigány) descendant and you take great offense to this and berate them and tell them "Don't ever call me that again, it is insulting to a Hungarian."
193. When you're a kid and tell you're mom or dad you're hungry and they spread lard on a piece of bread with sliced radishes and sprinkle it with paprika.
194. When the church bells ring at 12 noon you proudly tell you're friends that the bells toll for the Hungarians all around the world at 12 noon because of a declaration by the Pope for
195. When your grandmother/mother wakes you up at half past six in the morning by opening the windows and pulling off your blanket/duvet.
196. When at all major family events you cook a massive feast in a bogrács, and then bake the potatoes in the parázs, just because this is how your ancestors did it, even though ovens have been invented since then.
197. When you have company over, and
198. When you eat everything off your plate (if you're female) and your non-Hungarian guy friends look at you as if you are a weirdo, or a cousin of Xena: Warrior Princess or Attila the Hun, ready to do battle. You think, "I'm not letting my tasty food go to waste, especially if I'm paying for it," or "I love to eat and I'm not afraid of food."
199. When there's a restaurant/pub called Muskátli in your town/village.
200. When you think that the reason why everyone else hates your guts is because you are so much better than any other nation.
201. When you have a family gathering, and all the men are yelling and whooping like they're beating each other up, and you need to explain to an uncomfortable non-Hungarian friend that they aren't hurting each other, they're actually just playing cards (snapszer/csendes ulti).
202. When every single settlement, even one with about 100 citizens, has its own kocsma/söröző/borozó/italbolt!
203. When your brother has the same first name as his father and grandfather and great-grandfather and decides it's a good idea to give his son the same name.
204. When your accent cuts in at the most random times and your American friends give you looks of perplexity.
205. When you are a Hungarian living abroad, waiting outside a butcher's shop for the bus, the butcher walks out either for a smoke or to talk on his cell phone, still fully covered in his bloodied work clothes, and starts babbling in Hungarian like its a normal thing!
206. When what your eating for dinner tonight actually started out as a pörkölt three days ago, then morphed into rizses hús, and tonight is székely káposzta.
207. When feeding a baby canned food is unheard of, down right cruel, and heartless.
208. When you're more scared of kayakers/canoers, waterpolo players and European handball players than football players.
209. When your mother actually cries for joy
210. When you refuse more food and you automatically have an eating disorder.
211. When you cringe at hearing Hungarian words being butchered by non-Hungarian speakers.
212. When it's not lying - its just bullshitting. And you see no harm in that.
213. When you just don't get vegetarians.
214. When you have a Hungarian flag, knik knaks, a map of Hungary magnet on your fridge, and the Hungarian emblem on a wall.
215. When your mother teaches your 5 year old son to say Hungarian curses (goromba) and thinks it's adorable.
216. When your dad slices bacon strips on toast and has you open up for the "katona".
217. When your dad hunts, your mom's a great cook, and you're trading your venison stew for your teacher's peanut butter sandwiches.
218. When, as a child, you were often awakened to the sight, sound, and smell of pork fat being rendered on the stove to be turned into homemade lard. Also, you're mom probably complained that the butcher leaves "too much meat" on said pork fat.
219. When your mother and grandmother tell you to drink/use kamilla tea
220. When you've ever heard the saying "jól van, kisfiam" even though you're clearly a girl,
221. When you have to pay to use the bathroom at public places.
222. When Unicum cures everything! Even upset tummys in children. "One glass won't hurt, it's good for you. Drink it!!"
223. When you know and like Süsü, a sárkány, Pompom, Vízipók-csodapók.
224. When your mother makes noodles for the pörkölt, nokedli!
225. When you, being a girl, smell like a mixture of 20 different perfumes on Easter Monday.