Kazan — summer 2012

Inside the Ring Mall is a restaurant that wasn't here last year. It's called ‘Das Kolbas,’ which is fake German for ‘The Sausage.’ I say fake because the Russian word for sausage is kolbasá, so they have Germanified it to Das Kolbas. I'm pretty amused. It's like the ‘no problemo’ pseudospanish line from Terminator 2.

That said, now that I'm convinced that the whole vegetarian mindset is complete malarky, I'm delighted to eat meat in as many forms as I can find it. So the other day I went here and asked the buxom clerkess which was her favorite. She pointed out this sausage.

It's a sausage made of chicken, pork and cheese. The cheese inside is hot, so when you bite it, it spurts a glorious cheesy mass onto your tongue, and you are immediately transported to sausage heaven.

I ordered a side of mushrooms. I would never have done that in the States. I mean, why the hell would you deliberately put some vile fungus into your mouth? The idea is freakish and obscene. But of course in Russia it is merely normal, so I ordered them. Entirely adequate. I'm afraid I just will never have the Russian passion for mushrooms.

Except maybe in the case of mushrooms Julienne, about which I probably should write soon.

Wow, now this is amazing. There is a kosher restaurant in Kazan.

The number of Jews in Kazan is miniscule, so I would think that the restaurant might fail for lack of clientele. Good luck to them!

Cooking

Yes, I know you'll laugh at me. Today is the first time I've cooked in Russia. And this is my ninth trip. Oh, sure, I've put frozen stuff on the stove in boiling water, but that's really it. I've never really taken fresh food and cut and slice and combine and spiced. Today I did.

A friend had advised me to prepare squash like this: “Fry the squash in sunflower oil. Shred the garlic on a shredder, mix it with mayonnaise, and then mix it all together.”

That sounded kind of boring. I'm from Arizona. We like our food a bit spicier. So here's what I did.

1. I used half the squash, cutting it into reasonably sized chunks.
2. I used half a white onion, same treatment.
3. Fried the squash and the onion in sunflower oil, throwing in some black pepper and a bit of salt. When that had softened, I removed it from the flame to let it cool.
4. In the meantime I grated the garlic on the brand new grater I had bought for that purpose. Didn't work so well. Got through maybe half the garlic. Then I just minced the rest by hand.
5. Mixed the garlic with mayonnaise.
6. Mixed the mayonnaise with the squash mixture.
7. Ate with delight.

This stuff turned out great. I'll probably make at home now back in the States. It would never have crossed my mind to do the garlic-mayonnaise thing. That's partly due to my mom; she was/is not a fan of mayonnaise, and growing up I think the only time I ever saw the stuff was when she was making tuna salad. (Hm. In retrospect I don't think I remember her ever eating tuna salad. I'll have to ask.)

My Russian apartment did not have a grater of the right type, so I went ahead and bought this one.

I must tell you that a fine-toothed grater is no replacment for a decent garlic press. I had seriously considered bringing one with me this summer, but then I had thought, “Nah, there's no chance I'll really cook in Russia.” Wrongo, bucko.

Here are the squash and onions frying on the stove.

Here they are cooling on a plate.

Here they are all mixed together.

I'd give you another picture, but I ate it all.

I brought a bottle of ground chipotles with me to Russia, and I just made calabacitas with it with the second half of a large squash. So good!

Most of the time I really don't care all that much about what I eat as long as it doesn't include foods I actively dislike and I feel full when I'm done. I don't need fancy restaurants or beautiful decor. But today I was in the mood to go somewhere nice. I have a wonderful piece of software called 2Гис which has detailed city maps and descriptions of the various organizations occupying each city building. And it connects with flamp.ru, which has reviews of restaurants. Thus I found the restaurant called «Приют холостяка», which they mistranslate on their website as “Bash’s Shelter”, which would be better translated as “The Bachelor’s Shelter/Haven/Retreat.” I think ‘retreat’ gets the emotional tone right, although ‘haven’ works as well. ‘Shelter’... not so much.

Anyway, this place has the nicest decor of any Russian restaurant I've been to yet. Prices are quite high, you can count on $30/person. But the music was at a reasonable volume, which I really appreciate. The filet mignon was nearly fall-apart tender. The arugula/pear/pine nut salad was light and perfect for summer.

If you are into decor, do click the link and then look at their interior gallery. I left happy.